Do you often feel shame, guilt, or fear in social situations where you\u2019re sure the other person is going to say \u201cwhy didn\u2019t you\u201d or \u201cwhen will you\u201d or \u201cI thought I told you\u2026\u201d?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may feel stuck, overwhelmed, defensive, and barely hear what they\u2019re saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may say and do what you always say and do in this situation, with the same unsatisfying results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
WHY IS THAT?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett\u2019s research* theorizes that the human brain is a prediction network that assigns culturally learned emotional meaning to our physiological state in order to identify patterns and react quickly and efficiently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n At first, this may start out benignly: someone asks you a \u201cdid you \u2026?\u201d question. You notice your stomach is upset, or you\u2019re breathing rapidly, and you attribute these physical feelings to an emotion. You assign that meaning\/emotion to those physical feelings within that social context (person asking a \u201cdid you\u2026.?\u201d question, when you both know you didn\u2019t).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s say you assign the emotions \u201cguilt\u201d and \u201cshame\u201d to how you\u2019re feeling. And this predictive pattern repeats; every time you\u2019re in that same social context (or you anticipate you\u2019re in that social context), your brain predicts emotions, physical sensations and behavioral habits that keep you stuck in a prediction loop that\u2019s difficult \u2014 but not impossible \u2014 to break.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When I coach clients who want to change their habitual reactions, I invite them to challenge and reset their predictive physiological state through \u201ca pause.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n WHAT\u2019S A PAUSE?<\/em><\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n A pause is deliberately slowing down and interrupting your habitual body\/brain prediction dynamic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One way to do this is by box breathing. Try inhaling through your nose to the count of 4 (approximately 4 seconds); hold for another count of 4; exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds; hold for 4. Repeat until you feel your body relax and your emotions quieten. (Or some people just inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4; inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4. Either technique works.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n